How much more can I take

It’s funny. For many of my peers, this is their second year in front of students, or maybe  even their first, but for me, it’s my fourth – my seventh including my years as a religious educator. Over this span of time I have worked with countless educators, at all different levels and all different ages. I have been lucky. Most of my cooperating teachers have left me with some piece of knowledge, trained me to be the best I could be, inspired me to continue my studies, been the best thing that ever happened to me. Last semester, the Edge facilitators also served in this role. They were one of the nicest teams I had worked for. The responsibility I had gained from them was amazing. By the end of my fall experience, I was the lead teacher of my journalism class. I couldn’t wait to come back in the Spring, that was if I was allowed to. After several emails and several meetings, my placement was approved. I was more than excited.

Over the first few weeks here the light that shown from the Edge began to fade. It seemed as though the Edge facilitators turned their back on me. They were not there for me. It seemed like they no longer wanted me there. They were stressed because they had six SMC students, 2 on Monday and Wednesday, and 4 on Tuesday and Thursday. I believe they were being overstretched. Since I knew them and knew the system, I believe I bear much of the brunt of their stress. I am ignored in our office, left alone to figure things out. I have lessons cancelled on a moment’s notice. I have become a fly on the wall instead of an active intern. I no longer feel welcomed and this no longer feels like it is where I belong. Every Monday and Wednesday, it grows more and more difficult to go into school. I guess this is what it is like to work on a team that doesn’t see the importance of teamwork.